Lisa's Culinary Atrocities

repost via thinkgeek.com

Pâté is passé. Unicorn - the new white meat.

Excellent source of sparkles!

Unicorns, as we all know, frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. What you don’t know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they are drawn to County Meath, Ireland. The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Taking a cue from the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn’s coat with Guinness daily and fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn.

As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled and the living bone in the horn loses density in a process much like osteoporosis. The horn’s outer layer of keratin begins to develop a flavor very similar to candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn into the meat adds delightful, crispy flavor notes in each bite. We are confident you will find a world of bewilderment in every mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat.

Savory Unicorn & Heirloom Tomato Bruchetta

• 14 ounce can of Unicorn Meat
• 6 or 7 ripe plum tomatoes (about 1 1/2 lbs)
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 Tbsp extra virgin olive oil
• 1 teaspoon balsamic vinegar
• 6-8 fresh basil leaves, chopped.
• Salt and freshly ground black pepper to taste
• 1 baguette French bread or similar Italian bread
• 1/4 cup olive oil
• Chop the tomatoes and mix with garlic, olive oil, vinegar, salt, pepper and basil leaves. Toss well. Slice baguettes on the diagonal about 1/2” thick. Brush each slice with olive oil and add a full rounded tablespoon of Unicorn Meat, spreading over each piece. Toast in a 450 degree directly on over rock for 5-6 minutes. Do a little funky dance by yourself until it’s toasted. Serve with tomato mixture and some flaming Absinthe.

I received a great lasagna recipe from my friend Sheila and have meant to try it for some time.  Seeing as how the weather here in Portland right now is rather chilly, I decided that lasagna was in order (somehow that just pairs).

I have made a several modifications to her original recipe, making it completely vegan for zeh husband and also modifying it so I don’t have to use the stove much.  I have realized, since starting this blog, that I am an oven girl.  I avoid using the stove as much as possible, unless it’s to boil water/steam things.  Hmm.  I am not sure why.

So here it is:

Ingredients:

1 package extra firm tofu

1 cup plain, unsweetened soy yogurt 

1 small lime, juiced

1 roasted bulb of garlic

5 chopped green onions

1/4 cups nutritional yeast

1-2 Tbl. fresh rosemary

1 pkg Trader Joe’s soyrizo, relieved of it’s casing

1/2 bottle Amy’s Marinara Sauce

1 small steamed acorn squash

3 cups fresh & raw spinach

lasagna noodles (Tinkyada brown rice noodles, wheat and gluten-free and has a great texture)

(for me) rosemary asiago

(for him) Vegan Gourmet mozzarella

Panko

Zinfandel

 Instructions:

• Preheat oven to 350°F

• Open Zinfandel and pour yourself a glass.

• Make vegan ricotta by combining crumbled tofu, soy yogurt, lime juice, roasted garlic, nutritional yeast and rosemary, and let sit for 1 hour in refrigerator.

• Peel squash and cut into 1/4 inch chunks.  Steam until just soft.

• Combine soyrizo and marinara sauce in separate bowl.

• Boil noodles (or use no-boil)

• Layer: ricotta, noodles, soyrizo mixture, vegetables, repeat.  Top with panko. Bake until panko is browned.

As with most things like this, the second day is even better.  I think next time I will prep the lasagna and let it sit overnight in the refrigerator.

Note: This was a hit!  The sweetness of the squash contrasted so well with the spiciness of the soyrizo, and the textures were just wonderful.  The rosemary in the asiago, as well as the ricotta was fantastic.  I will definitely be making this again!